I’ve been battling in my head, in my heart, in my spirit to the depths of my soul for months now about this on going conflict between Israel and Hamas. I’ve always stood on the solid ground in support of my fellow Jewish brothers and sisters because I am a Jew myself. I’ve always stood up for Israel as a Nation. I’ve always been supportive of Benjamin Netanyahu as the Prime Minister for Israel.
These past months now I’ve been fighting with the a inner spiritual conflict in my spirit because yes I am Jewish, no I don’t live my like to the fullness of the Jewish customs but over the years I’ve been diving deeper into my Jewish roots both spiritually, faithfully, authentically, and lawfully speaking but does that mean I agree to every aspect of Jewish law no why because Judaism does not recognize Yeshua as their promised messiah where as I do. That is the fundamental principle of my foundation faith. I’m not into religion customs because they are closed minded, set the boundaries of you must do this, be that, etc to be loved, accepted and to enter into Heaven to be worth enough of those very things and if not well you are damned to hell.
My faith does not fit into a custom prepared prequalified one size fit all type of box. My faith goes beyond the boundaries of Christianity, Judaism, but is broadly open to interpretation of learning, studying, practicing and adopting other elements from other religions spiritualities into who I am a person with a very highly regarded spirit.
I am proud to be who I am but in these days we are living in. I personally feel damned if I do and damned if I don’t. See I am an American born citizen. This land has been home to my ancestors for some decades, others centuries. Yes am I am mostly made up of European descendant yes I am but for every other percentile I have of other ethnicities in my DNA that makes up who I am as a whole person I proudly claim those small parts of my identity. Being a Jew is just a small fragment of the wholeness of who I am as a human being.
Does my identity as a Jewish woman define my whole identity yes and no. It’s complicated and I cannot simply explain it without writing what would become a long blog thread. And maybe that in time will come just not at this moment of time.
See my inner spiritual conflict is if I stand where I have always stood I’m damned and judged by the world and if I stand on the other side I’m still damned and judged by a partial of the world. For people like myself there is no in between. If there was I would not be taking the time to share my inner thoughts on this very matter.
Ever since I was of the legal age to vote I have always voted one way, on one side because of how it aligns with my personal values, morals, and beliefs. Not by what the world told me I should or should not do, say, believe and how to act. I have always had to be self reliant upon myself and look at the world not from the worldview point but my own. Is our world here in the United States on some major scales fucked up in the way of thinking yes absolutely. What country isn’t to some degree.
I was raised in a family that always voted one way, and when I came of age, I did not follow in the path of my family. I was the black sheep that went the other direction. Did my family agree no not at all but as time passed I was able to help educate them and help them see from a different perspective. Which challenged them. Now being faced with that same dilemma in my own spirit again. It has drawn out a lot of inner suffering in my mind, body, and soul/spirit.
I’m in a world where as a Jewish woman if I stand in support of Israel I’d be deemed a supporter of the genocide of the Palestinian people that are within Gaza. And as Jewish woman if I stand in support of the Palestinian people my Jewish brothers and sisters especially those of Christian family of mine I will be deemed an anti-Christian, anti-Israel supporter, going against God himself.
This is my concern of facing judgement, rejection, being damned either way by people close to me and those that don’t even know me. I live in a society where you are either democrat or republican and if you settle in the middle of those two things the majority don’t even have a voice that is heard so those in the middle have no place to vote. Either you are blue or you are red. Which are you? This is the unfortunate reality of our society in America. I have always voted red, stood in the values, morals, and beliefs that beheld to my own being. So if I vote democrat I’d be voting for everything just about that I stand against and going against my own moral compass and if I vote republican I stand in my truth but yet get judged for how can you vote for such a party, a person of that candidate, and what they stand for with Israel knowing America is Israel’s biggest and only Ally.
For me as a Jewish woman, and just an American citizen who does not support the war between Israel and Hamas— but rather stands in support for the innocent lives of people on both sides of this ever ending conflict. If I stand in my truth I’m damned, if I go against my truth I’m damned. As the 2024 American Presidency election comes near in 2024. Who do I stand to vote for?
If I vote who I have voted for in the last two elections I’d be deemed so many negative things as we already are by the left wing, news outlets, society, and if I vote opposite of who I have voted for and vote for someone I absolutely do not think is a suitable person to be running our country as President as seen over the past nearly four years leaves me to be damned.
So again damned if I do and damned if I don’t. This has been an on going inner struggle for me all these months. I have no obligation to either party and I truly feel I don’t own anyone an explanation of who, what, and why I believe, view and vote the way I do. But this whole conflict has sprung a spiritual conflict in my whole being that I can’t seem to be able to find the right balance between being an American Jewish woman who places faith in Yeshua who does not want to see death on either side of the conflict and yet if I vote for either party when it comes to American politics and Israel’s ongoing conflict with Hamas and what this means for the innocent lives being taken on both sides. I’m then viewed by the world as one thing or another. I typically don’t give a care of what others have to say about me or think but being who I am today and where I’m going.
It’s a hardship to have to deal with alone that for me causing a great ordeal of anxiety, overthinking, being judged and the whole nine yards. I am not a white supremacist, a radical extremist right- winged Republican, and the millions of other off putting disrespectful labels society wants to put on those of us that don’t agree to others views, opinions, way of thinking, living, doing etc.
I will not support anyone who thinks is they have the right to label me, or anyone else that is in a similar position as me. I am not here in this world to please anyone, or agree with everyone, or support everyone. I’m a moralist who believes in having a healthy conversation about the hard topics of politics, religions, and trying to find some middle ground with class.
Did our education system fail us by default in a lot of ways as Americans absolutely for so many reasons which can lead me to a more difficult topic of the removal, replacement, rather the displacement, killing, kidnapping of indigenous people because I’m not just Jewish, I am also very much indigenous as well. My 8th great grandfather was a chief well known in history mind you, and among other ancestors I have that are more recent that are indigenous to America.
Don’t let my brown hair, blue eyes and light skin town fool you. Don’t let your eyes be deceived for what you do not have the ability to comprehend for the fullness of my own truth to which no one knows unless I choose to speak on it. Which here I am briefly. The point is I have many ties to many tribes, both here in my country and across the world to Israel through two tribes that I have been able to trace my family tree back too. Those are just a small fragments of my ancestors history and who I am as a whole being.
As I have navigated through these months I have had to trust in myself beyond the boundaries of the opinions, judgements, and thoughts of others. People say oh you believe in that oh then we can’t be friends, or oh you are against that then we can’t be in a relationship, the list goes on and on. These are just some of the things I’ve had to face over the years in my past because of differing opinions, views, values, morals, and beliefs. See I don’t mind having open minded deep truth tell conversations about these hot topics but at the same time I can’t help but fear to because of the day in age of which we live and this conflict that is sweeping our news feeds, social media, everyone has an opinion, a judgement to be hand to others, and a frown to toss at someone for just saying the wrong thing.
I’m have always stood up for my truth and through this process of healing, self awareness, discomfort, uncertainties, fears doubts, etc. I have to be able to express my thoughts, feelings, and stand in my own truth. The things of which I was taught in school does not define who I am as an individual in American society today or ever what the news has to say what others have opinions on or how they view me has no hold on me of who I am as an individual because there’s nobody there’s no Politician, no political party. Nobody in this world has the right to put a label on me when they don’t know me. The only people have the right to have an opinion about me is those that truthfully know me and that is very few.
I have always stood on my truth and that’s what I’m going to continue to always do. I will not sway to one side of the aisle just to please another. The people that are able to respect my views, my values, my opinions, my beliefs, and yet still be able to hold a level of dignity and respect by acceptance that we are different individuals that have different ways of being living, thinking, processing and agreeing to disagree on certain topics, and yet still have the amount of respect and dignity and kindness to be a friend to me as I am to them then those are the only people I have around in my life. And for people that I might end up in a relationship with we may have differing views, morals beliefs, the sum level of degree and that’s never been an issue for me but if it is an issue them then that’s not my problem that’s their problem. I will not belittle myself to a box that society feels they have the right to do when they don’t.
So I tried to pull this whole thing to close. My truth is yes I am Jewish. Yes, I am indigenous yes, I do support Israel. Yes, I do support Palestine. Yes, I support the innocent people on Palestinian side and Israeli side. Yes I am not going to sway to the left of aisle just to please the opinions of the right and I’m not gonna swing right just to please benefit the thoughts and opinions of the left. I choose to vote for the 2024 election has nothing to do with the ongoing conflict between Israel and Hamas or any other country for that matter. When it comes to United States politics, I vote on the basis of my country is being led and how we are doing as a country in the variety and various ways as a whole.
I was coming of age I had to find what was my values, my morals, my own beliefs, even if that meant, they differ from how I was brought up, and even if it meant they did not fit to the narrative or the agenda or same values and morals and opinions of my family on either side. I’m standing in my truth and I don’t support her I never have and I never will. It is Hamas who has led the ongoing conflict with Israel for years now, and Israel has every right to defend itself like every other country does. War is a bloodbath and innocent civilians. Both in Gaza and Israel are being kidnapped taken brutalized, right threatened bombed, displaced, tortured, and ways that we as Americans could not even cooperate because we have never had to endure it, so who are we as Americans to have an opinion on a basis of which we as westerners fundamentally emotionally Logically physically have never experienced here in the western hemisphere in our lifetimes. That’s not to say that our ancestors didn’t phase prosecution judgment displacement, colonization the whole 9 yards. But who’s to say that we have to be the same as our ancestors that was the cause of those very things. Who’s to say either way. Yes, does the direct conflict with Israel and Hamas affect us as Americans because America is the biggest and only ally to Israel. Therefore, our tax money and our resources goes to help fund Israel. Yeah it has an impact on us but you know what we have been one of the top giving countries to the ongoing war between Russia and Ukraine. Do I as an American citizen have an opinion that we as Americans should not be helping fund Ukraine because it’s not our war to be fought therefore, we have no direct involvement our money or resources. Our taxes are military or armory and everything should not be going to fund a war. That is not our own that has no direct impact on us but what does have a direct impact on us is when our country our leadership our government is choosing to find a war that is not our own, then that’s when it has a direct impact on us and we have the right to speak on it and that is something I do not solidly agree with. All supporting Ukraine absolutely but that does not mean I agree that we as Americans, and as a country should be funding Ukraine with weaponry money, the whole 9 yards when our own country is struggling to even meet the equivalent of being able to live in today’s society.
But again, when it comes to Israel in the ongoing conflict with Hamas, we are Israel’s only ally, and being that I am Jewish and my ancestors drive from Israel, and I know the in and out of the history of the land of Israel, and who it properly belongs to. I can’t help but stand in solidarity with Israel on that foundation. But let me be clear I do not support Israel using extreme measures to bomb into Gaza at the risk of killing, innocent civilians, or raping or taking or brutalizing, or doing anything that is not humane that goes for the same with Hamas.
But the biggest difference between Hamas and Israel is that Hamas is one of the leading terrace groups in our world today Reese Israel is not a terrace group or organization. They are simply a tribe of people who is defending themselves, their land, their people their placement.
Do I believe that Palestine shall be free? Yes, I do, but I do not believe that it should be at the expense of taking away the land that belongs to my people the Israelites. I believe that Palestine has the right to be recognized as its own nation or country free of any terrace organization as a leader absolutely do I believe that there is possible peace between Gaza and Israel yes, but where that stop is with her being the ter organization leader for Gaza. They are the government of Gaza and they have firsthand time and time again Put the lives of their own civilians at risk before their own because they do not care about their own people. no one is perfect and I don’t stand for genocide. I don’t stand for murder under any circumstance, unless it’s under the lawful law of punishment but when it comes to innocence, babies, young children, teenagers, young adults, adults, and elderly and families, homes, businesses those are things I do not support.
So standing where I stand baffles people, and it makes people not like me when judge me not want to be my friend or whatever the case may be then it just shows those people are not meant to be in my life.
I’m gonna live in a society, or surround myself with people where I like I can’t be myself to put up this fake mask just because I had to try to fit in to fit peoples narratives opinions, their own way of thinking that’s me deceiving myself from my own truth, that’s me not being the truth authentic Person I am. That’s why for months now. I’ve had this inner conflict with my spirit on which way do I swing? Which way do I go? Where do I go? Who can I turn to? What do I do? But the truth is the answer has been in front of me the entire time I stand in truth of who I am what my values, morals and beliefs are. Vote based off the opinions of society and what they think I should follow but I’m only going to follow and do what is right by my own peace by my own moral compass by my own values and what I believe. No one has the right to tell people what they should, and should not do think act who they should vote for and who, and what side they should stand on, no matter what the circumstances are.
So American citizen someone that is Jewish I’m standing in my truth I stand in the middle between Israel and Gaza, and the 2024 presidential election approaches, I will continue to stand in my truth and support the candidate. I stand with who I know can do the job who has prioritized America first and American citizens and living in America and who would be able to bring peace in into both wars both conflicts with the means of just conversation, whereas our current diplomats our current government current leadership has failed to even be able to accomplish on both fronts. if who I am is displaying to anyone, then that’s not a problem of mine. That’s a problem within yourself. I’m not here to please people I’m here to be who I am live my life live my highest self purpose into inspire others and uplift others and help others in the way that I know I can. Does that mean it’s gonna be appealing and pleasing and everything to everyone no and that is absolutely OK. Truth is more important to me than me offending other people. I am a civilized, minded, speaking, thinking individual who can hold a conversation on these type of topics and yet still find some metal ground to agree to disagree. But I’m done with this conflict of mine because I’m of Jewish descent because of what I value and view it be moral and immoral with this conflict with society especially here in America the place I’ve called home my entire life and my ancestors have called home for hundreds of years, even though they themselves are immigrants to an unknown world that was not their own. I’m not here to focus on what is going on. In other countries. I’m here to focus on what’s going on in my own country in my own state in my own hometown and how is affecting the world in America on a society level.
I choose to be my own peace. I choose to have confidence and understanding and patience, and love for myself to know that what I hold to be true, honest, authentic valued, moralized to my own inner self. I choose to be myself and not let the outside world decide for me, who I or think, or do an act or say.
I choose peace over war, both within myself and the society we live in, and I choose to speak peace, live peace, be a peacemaker over any form of war, conflict internally and externally and socially inwardly, and outwardly to all people from all walks of life.
